rex: [00:00:00] This episode contains potentially sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advised

meghan: if I never have tomorrow, I have today. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow will never come. All I have here and now is today so I shall live wisely. Each moment of my today before it quickly becomes the past and yesterday and thus two will also be forever gone.

Now I have good memories of my yesterdays and I have dreams and hopes of my tomorrows, but I know they're really both made for my today's. So if I never have tomorrow, I have today to try to make tomorrow my reality for good past memories and peace and joy with myself today, mighty fine. November 5th, 2016, garner Thomas.

rex: I'm Rex Holbein and welcome to You Know Me Now, [00:01:00] a podcast conversation that strives to amplify the unheard voices in our community, as well as the individuals and organizations that are in service to those in need. In these episodes, I want to remind all of our listeners that the folks who share here do so with a great deal of courage and vulnerability.

They share a common hope that by giving all of us this window into their world, they're opening an increased level of awareness, understanding, and perhaps most importantly, a connection within our own community.

Homelessness, as everyone knows, is an extremely complicated emotional issue, systemic societal barriers, along with personal mental health issues. Can pull or push people into homelessness and a dearth of affordable housing and needed services can keep them there. The complexity of this [00:02:00] issue can be overwhelming and have people literally walking on by those struggling there can exist a feeling that solutions need to come from the government, nonprofits, and our church communities in the form of larger answers.

After all, what can one person possibly do to make a difference? Today we're talking with Megan, a young woman whose life direction took an abrupt and unexpected turn.

meghan: My grandfather, he was actually born in the Congo in Africa, and my great-grandparents are medical doctors. Essentially. My grandfather was raised until he was about 15.

And his first language was some native tongue there. And then the war, one of the wars broke, um, broke out and he, uh, then had to go, uh, go to the Navy

rex: and, and sorry for interrupting. Yeah. The Congolese Navy or, um, no, he The British Navy. The British Navy, yeah. So he was

meghan: from [00:03:00] the UK originally. I gotcha.

Family was, yeah. Um, my great-grandfather became a medical doctor and then decided to go to the Congo and help with medical practices there. Um, and then they ended up like with this village and built a house and a school there and everything. But yeah, my grandfather was there till he was about 15 years old.

Wow.

Um, and then he went to the war and then, uh, the back then. You know, well, I guess they still do that. Um, if you're in the, you know, Navy or armed forces, they'll help with school. So then he chose also to go to Cambridge and he ended up studying sociology and history. And he had a choice to go to either New Zealand or Canada or the us And he decided to go to Canada.

And so when he went to Canada, he met my grandmother there who was also a Brit, and they ended up having six children together. My grandfather actually wrote a whole bunch of books. He wrote like six or seven books, different philosophies on economics, on things about, just kind of, well, on a Christian [00:04:00] perspective, actually, on just how to be like a good person and stuff and um, consumerism and things like that.

Actually, can I, '

rex: cause you piqued my intro mm-hmm. Interest there. Mm-hmm. Uh, you said Christian and a Christian perspective, viewpoint. Perspective. Mm-hmm. And you mentioned capitalism and that's such an interesting topic, right. Capitalism in a Christian world, you know, when so much of, of the teachings are about, you know, first shall be last and wealthy man, making it into heaven is like, blah, blah, blah.

It

meghan: it,

rex: do you have a condensed So my version of what he was, yeah, he was ahead

meghan: of his time. He was very ahead of his time and, and I think that's why people didn't want. To really hear what he had to say. He would talk about, you know, on the seventh day we shouldn't be, uh, you know, taking all this oil and these things from the earth

Grandfather: and that we, our business and have tried to keep up with the increasing demand we put upon them for their product and consumer good.

Naturally, the primary producers have tried to satisfy the demand of the manufacturer, [00:05:00] even if it have mint mining, the land, the forest, and the ocean. Instead of farming and fishing them as stewards of Christ. The key we have been living in short, as if the supreme purpose of our human life on this earth is to produce and confirm ever more as the goods and pleasures.

In short, we have been guilty.

meghan: So he's saying this in the sixties. Okay. So yeah. Get perspective there.

rex: Yeah. Yeah. Before environmentalism really took off. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Wow.

meghan: So he eventually, the backstory is, um, he got, uh, he was able to be a professor at do, um, college in Iowa. And while he was there, my dad must have been like 15 when he moved to the States.

But the reason why my grandfather came to Tacoma and how I was even born is because, um, his eldest daughter died in a plane crash.

Oh,

he, he kept having memories and he, and it was a small town. This is before technology and stuff and phones, you [00:06:00] know? Yeah. And so it was just too hard on him. He ended up saying, I can't teach anymore.

This is my beloved first daughter passed away. I. He had no connection here and he just wanted a fresh start. And so they, they said, Hey, uh, we have a job for you to write for the newspaper. Why don't you come here? And also, my grandfather had went to a theological college and he was an England Anglican priest and minister, which is the Church of England.

And so he was able to become a priest and minister in Tacoma. And what year was

rex: that when he came here? Do you remember? Um,

meghan: it was probably like. Late eighties.

rex: Okay.

meghan: My dad being the youngest was still tagging along with his mom and dad. Um, the others went off to do their own thing, and they all went to different places in the US

rex: not too long after arriving in Tacoma, Megan's father met his future wife.

meghan: My mother was a beautiful lady. She, she was into tennis. She went to Rogers High School out in Puyallup, but she had had some abusive stuff going on with her father. And she was never allowed to go party when she was [00:07:00] younger. She basically never got to experience life at all, um, until she met my dad, and they were able to go out to a dance here and there.

But if my dad brought her home anytime past five minutes past 10, her dad would yell at her and abuse her. And so my dad basically said, this is a rescue mission. I need to, I need to marry her.

rex: We're eloping, or we're getting outta here.

meghan: Yeah, get her outta here. We need to marry her. So they got married pretty fast.

Okay. She was fine then, but you know, after she had me, I don't know if they knew too much about women's health postpartum back then, or they didn't really talk about it. She was not able to get help at all, and I think she just turned to drugs and my dad didn't know and then she ended up cheating on him and she told us that we needed to go to Texas and it was a big long story where she made me and my dad move to Texas.

But the only reason why we actually were going to Texas is because she had met a man through the military.

rex: After moving to Texas, Megan's father found out the real reason why her mother wanted to be in Texas.

meghan: As soon as he found out he got [00:08:00] in his Camaro, he had this like old, uh, IROC Camaro, and he just, he looked at me and I was probably like five, and he said, I'll be back for you.

And he just got in his car and left. He just beelined it straight back to Washington. I was a daddy's girl and so he left me there. But what I ended up seeing at five to six years old was her smoking crack, doing meth. I was in the house, I could smell it. One time she left me home alone and I had no food.

Um, I was like cooking by myself. It's

rex: like she just cracked or something.

meghan: Yeah. I don't think she ever healed. I don't think she was able to ever, yeah, develop herself in ways and she wanted to party and have fun and she never got to have experiences and I think there was just some self-development and some things that she wasn't able to talk through.

rex: Do you have any memories of your mom? Before.

meghan: Oh yeah. She was amazing. She was beautiful. She knew how to cook. She was funny. Mm. She had a great personality. I remember being in Texas and, um, she had a pack of cigarettes and I was, I did not like smoke [00:09:00] or anything, and I just remember breaking them all in front of her.

Yeah. Oh, and I, I got, I got a beating for that. Yeah. Yeah. I would get, you know, how old were you? Like five or six. Yeah. And she would beat me all the time too. She, um, would take like the belt to me and to where I would have like, welts on my butt and stuff, like pretty bad beating.

rex: I mean, it sounds like she, she cracked and, and had a lot of behavior that wasn't great as a mom.

meghan: Mm-hmm.

rex: But when I hear you talk about her, I, I hear actually love in your voice is, is that it's,

meghan: well because there's like two sides of her. There's this loving, fun mother,

rex: incredible

meghan: person, incredible person, and then this other deep, dark side that. Where is this coming from and what, what traumas are this coming from and what's not resolved here?

Um, but you

rex: seem, and again, I'm, I'm reading into this maybe. Mm-hmm. But you seem like you've put that in a place, like you understand that. Yeah.

meghan: I get that a lot. A lot of people, which a lot of things and traumas that I've lived through are like, how are you able [00:10:00] to Yeah. Not have resentment or hurt or pain?

Yeah, I've really kind of rationalized it to be okay. You know? And whether it's deep forgiveness or just be okay with that, Hey, that's somebody else. Even if she's my mother, that's what her choices were. Yeah. You know?

rex: Yeah. That was her journey. Yeah. Her journey doesn't have to be yours. Megan, as a young girl, had her world turned upside down.

Her mother was spiraling outta control, using drugs and being abusive, and her father had abandoned her. Megan knew to be safe. She needed to get back to her father.

meghan: I was calling my dad every day and they were trying to get me home. Um, and I'm not sure what the financial stuff, why they couldn't get me home, if what was going on.

I don't, I was too young to understand was he coming back? Was it too much money? Were they trying to figure out a plane to, I don't know.

rex: After several months, her dad was able to get her a ticket to come back home to Washington.

meghan: I got on a plane [00:11:00] and I never saw my mom after that, after I came home to Washington and I was so happy to see my dad.

It was the first time I ever cried of being so happy. And I remember I was five or six years old and I never knew what happy tears were. And when you're experiencing an emotion for the first time. I actually remember that at six years old, I got off the plane. There was a crowd of people waiting, you know, for everyone else to get off the plane.

And I just ran straight towards him. I, I, I tackled him to the ground and just these hot red tears. I was crying for the first time 'cause I was so happy. And I don't know, I, I, I, I love my mom, but it was different. I just, I think that kind of mean stuff that she did. I, I knew it wasn't right. I do. I was almost being her parent at five or six.

Mommy, what are you doing? You know I was already, yeah. Parenting my own mother at six years

rex: old. Yeah. Which is, which is in the very same moment. Robbing your childhood.

meghan: Yeah.

rex: Back in Washington, Megan and her father [00:12:00] moved in with her grandparents. While it wasn't perfect, it was a healthy place to be.

meghan: I was very lucky to live with my grandparents because they were both teachers, you know, my grandfather had done amazing work and his life.

He was a missionary, and I was just so thankful to have my grandmother as a a teacher as well, and she was able to teach me things, which I was so thankful for. But the part was that my dad got really depressed after, you know, um, marrying my mom and then not having a partner. And he was, um, a single dad raising me.

And so we did a lot of fun stuff. Just me and him, and he was my everything at this point. And

rex: you're living with your grandparents? Yes. But he's coming in and out. Oh, no.

meghan: He lived there too. Lived there too? Yeah. We both lived in their basement.

rex: And was he working at the time? Was he riding? Um,

meghan: so he was going to TCC and he was taking classes there.

Okay. Um, but then I think money became a problem and he started working at the grocery store. And so, um, he just continued to work at the grocery store in produce

rex: life for Meghan, took another turn. [00:13:00] Her father began dating a woman who quickly became his girlfriend, and eventually after having two children together, moved into the basement with them.

meghan: And so now you're thinking we have grandpa and grandma upstairs. We have her, me, my dad, and now they're two babies and there's only one bedroom and a living room and a kitchenette and a bathroom, and a little storage area. We didn't have much down there. I didn't have a bedroom. Well, I had like this little closet.

I compare it sometimes to like Harry Potter, like I lived in like this little closet and I didn't have a door. I had a curtain. And then my dad and his girlfriend slept in the living room on the floor. My dad is a great guy. He's funny. He has all these great qualities. I commend him for a lot of what he did is that he stayed behind for my grandpa and grandma because my grandpa ended up getting dementia and he became really sick and my grandma being English and things like that, she never [00:14:00] learned how to drive.

Yeah.

So my dad was the one like, oh, I, well, my wife left me. Now I have this daughter and I'm taking care of my mom. So I'm gonna be the one to make sure she gets groceries and I drive to the store and I make sure she gets her care. So he ended up caring for my grandparents. So he, he was the one that stayed behind.

He

rex: was in-house care. Yeah. The stress of tight living quarters and not having enough money. Were beginning to show the seams were coming undone. Simple needs were not being met.

meghan: There's sometimes I didn't have. Clothed for school, and I was just wearing my dad's long shirts and I was like, dad, I can't, I'm so embarrassed.

Like I can't just wear, yeah, like a long shirt. And I would like hoard any clothes I got. I was hoarding stuff because I didn't know if I would ever get it again. I couldn't have friends over because, um. It. Or like if I did, I would show them my little closet space that I lived in, and then my friends go, oh, this is where you sleep.

And I said, yeah, it's [00:15:00] my room. Even though I, oh, I didn't have a bed. I laid on a mat. Like a, like a little mat. It was like a foam little mat. Yeah. I didn't have a bed.

rex: So Megan, were you going to other people's houses? Because a lot of times when kids are experiencing, you know, traumatic situations, they don't actually even know that.

It's like wrong or bad. No, I knew. I knew. But you were seeing, yeah, you were, you were.

meghan: I knew that this was not right. I knew that I deserve like a bedroom and Yeah. You know, I'd see my other friends have nice things and have a, you know, a nice room or they would be able to have enough money to go to play sports and things like that.

And I couldn't do any of that. I couldn't, you know, I just, we couldn't afford it. If I remember, if I did have a friend over, I would make them leave before nighttime because I would. Our living room turned into my dad's bedroom at night and he had put down the air mattress and um, all that kind of stuff.

Yeah.

rex: Wow. That's a lot to go through.

meghan: Yeah. And I never had privacy. So then as I became older and you know, I'm developing into a woman, I had [00:16:00] this curtain. You know, that would close to change. And you know, just, I never had that privacy as a, a young girl.

rex: There was a bright spot for Megan during all of this time, something she looked forward to.

meghan: I love to swim, so that was kind of my escape and it was honestly my way to just wash away, like silence and you can't really hear when you're in the water and just was my way to just. Cope, disappear, disappear, cope. And uh, I just loved swimming. So I ended up, um, taking a lifeguarding class for my sixth period class at, um, the high school.

And then, um, ended up going to, um, be on swim team. And then I was on a water polo team. Um, and then I got my first job at the YMCA. I think I was like 15, 16. I loved it. I just, that was my escape again, to, from my reality of what was going on back at home.

rex: At home. Life continued to get more complicated.

Grandpa's dementia was progressing and having an impact on everyone.

meghan: He was up during the middle of the night thinking it was day, and then day was night. [00:17:00] And

rex: so you're not sleeping well. Not

meghan: sleeping well. He was thumping all the time. 'cause when you have dementia or Alzheimer's, you make clapping noises or you're banging on things and, but yeah, when I became a age to work, like getting that YMCA job at 16, that was huge.

I thought, you know what? This is the first time I can finally have control of my own life. I can get a job, I can work for my, you know, I can make money and I can do something. And I took it very seriously. Yeah. And I was a lifeguard. Yeah. And I loved my job. I was very dedicated. I loved helping people. Um, that's just what I did.

And scanning the pool deck I wanted, make sure everyone was safe. And that became everything to me. I knew I wanted to go to college. I was like, I really wanna go to school. I wanna, I wanna do more. I don't feel like I ever really, truly got to prove myself in my education because of this family, home life.

And I couldn't study at home [00:18:00] any kind of homework I brought home. Yeah. Um, you know, my dad's girlfriend was either screaming or drunk, uh, slamming things doors, and then grandpa thumping away upstairs. And there's no way I can see it actually. It's like,

rex: oh my God,

meghan: there's no way I could study.

rex: As Megan's life began to open up, she could feel how living at home was closing her down.

Living in the basement had become unbearable. She decided to move out now earning wages. She and her boyfriend and another friend got an apartment together.

meghan: Back then, I mean, rent was expensive, but it's, I mean, rent nowadays is un unimaginable, but I could at least afford it. And I think I was splitting, it was $900 a month for everybody, like three of us.

Yeah. So I was only paying 3 25. Yeah. But even then, I think I was getting paid like. Eight or $9 an hour, which still wasn't enough. Yeah. So, but

rex: you moved out and were you still [00:19:00] 16 or were you 17? I was

meghan: around 16 or 17. I must have been. Yeah. Yeah. I must have been, it must have been a year, but

rex: still pretty early.

meghan: Pretty early. Yeah. And so I'm working, um, I earned enough money. I worked, um, several shifts to be up to pay for my own car at this point. So I was able to save up enough money to be able to say, here's a payment for our car and still in school. Yeah. Yes. Um, so around that time I figured out that I wanted to get an education and I was failing out of high school.

I found this, uh, program called Fresh Start, and I love that name Fresh Start. Mm-hmm. And that was so appealing to me 'cause it was like, I, I get a fresh start. And so they have this program at TCC and it's different from Running Start Students. And,

rex: and TCC is Tacoma C College is Tacoma Community College.

Yes.

meghan: And, um, it's called Fresh Start. Um, and that was so appealing to me. I was like, what is this all about? And so essentially they let you go to college. Um, someone pays for it, they have a funding for it. And I say it's for free, but it's not for free. Somebody else pays for the contribution of your, [00:20:00] um, of your books and your tuition.

Yeah. And if you get accepted into the program, which all you have to do is write like a paper about how serious you are and if you pass your two. Classes in your first quarter, then you're accepted in. And so I said, well, that's something I wanna do. I got my, I bought myself, my car,

rex: living with your boyfriend and his friend, living

meghan: with the boyfriend and his friend.

I'm working double shifts. I'm working sometimes 4:00 AM shifts, four to nine. Then I jet over to TCC in my car, and then I would go back. Then I'd go to class and I'd go back to work at the Y. Then I would work from three to 10 30 at night. Let

rex: me ask you this. I, I mean, okay. You're not alone as a person who's had a really hard childhood, right?

Mm-hmm. There are a lot of people and it, and that, that, that can flip two ways, right? Right. It can flip like, I'm screwed, and people spiral into a, you know, into a dark place. Mm-hmm. And, and the other path, of course, is to say, [00:21:00] nobody's gonna do it. I gotta do it myself. And then you go out and do it. How do you think that's in your fa, I mean, obviously you've got some.

Seriously accomplish people in your tree, family tree. I to do do with my grandma. Okay? So my

meghan: grandma had a lot of faith and um, you know, in just faith, faith or faith in you just like faith in, uh, in God and the next thing that's gonna happen, just to just believe that, you know, if you just have faith that things will work out okay.

And she instilled that in me. I see. Just to trust that God or whatever, whatever it is that you wanna believe in that goodness, that that light. Yeah, well, it's going to be okay. Yeah. And you have to trust that. Yeah. And so I, I just

rex: push towards it.

meghan: Yeah. And if you do the right thing, and if you are good person and you try your best, that'll always see you through She, she instilled a lot of those values in me as well.

So she's also one of my heroes to, you know, you know, I didn't ever wanna be like my mom. So that was another big thing I thought, you know, I won't, that I could have gone, gone [00:22:00] the other way. I could have flipped, I could have done drugs or gotten into, there are so many. Things and people and places that I could have done that, but I, I never wanted to be like my mom.

I was like, I wanna be the opposite. I never wanna do drugs. I never wanna be anything like this lady. Like I wanna be a great mother. Yeah. I wanna be the better version of what she Yeah. Never was her highest

rex: and best self.

meghan: Yeah. You know? 'cause essentially I'm her blood, you know? Yeah. I have to have some traits of her.

Yeah. You know,

rex: that's impressive.

meghan: So that's what I, you know, even though it was hard, it was hard, but I always thought if I am just a good person and I, no matter if I'm struggling, if I don't have food, if I'm just good to others, I don't know, there's this inner thing. If I'm just good, then good will come back to me.

It has to. Yeah. That was just how I lived my life. Um, and so that was just how I kept going

rex: despite creating opportunities for herself through belief in goodness and hard work. Life continued to throw obstacles in Megan's path

meghan: at this point. There was [00:23:00] something that, that went on with me and my boyfriend at the time, and then we had black mold in the rental house that we were at, and we had to move out.

And then, um, I didn't have a place to stay because when I went back to my dad's house, the little small room that I had. I was given to my sisters and there was no space for me, absolutely nothing there. And then I did try to stay there one night, but the screaming and the alcohol and it was really bad.

It wasn't a good situation. Yeah. And so I literally had nowhere. I was living, all my stuff was in my car, so I had all of my clothes in the back of my car. I just didn't have a place I was, I was living outta my car. And this is going on for months.

rex: And you were 17?

meghan: Yeah, I was still going to school. I was gonna school and I, I mean, I was living at these organizations.

I was lit literally at the, at the YMCA and I was showering there and I was eating there through the vending machines. And then I was. I would stay prolonged hours at [00:24:00] TCC for warmth. I remember at one point I didn't have good enough shoes. I had like these boots that were like leaking through and it was fall time and it was raining, and my feet were soaking wet all the time, like very cold, soaking wet.

I was too embarrassed to tell anyone I needed shoes, so I just walked around with sopping wet feet, and it was so cold and my socks were always wet and. So it was just that kind of stuff. I was struggling

rex: in the thick of her struggle one day while working at the Y. She meets a gentleman by the name of Garner Thomas.

He was there because his granddaughter Jada was learning how to swim.

meghan: There's this amazing man that comes in, um, this black man, and he would always wear the same thing. He was almost like a cartoon character. He always had this black zip up hoodie, kind of like what you're wearing today.

rex: I am a cartoon

meghan: character.

So the same thing. He would wear like the black, black zip up. And then he always wore this, um, green, uh, top hat. Uh, something that you can imagine from, you know, uh, when people used to dress really [00:25:00] nice, you know, in the twenties and thirties. Yeah. Uh, a really nice hat.

rex: Yeah.

meghan: But it had been, it was falling apart.

I, he never, he never took it off.

rex: He was wearing it out,

meghan: all wearing it out. There was holes in it, but at one point you could tell it was a nice hat. Uh, so he always wear the same thing and he would come and sit down. And then, um, either I was lifeguarding or I was teaching his granddaughter Jada, how to swim.

rex: Having seen Garner at the pool a number of times, waiting for his granddaughter to be done with lessons, Megan decides to just say hello.

meghan: One day I looked over and I decided, you know what? I wanna talk to him. And I looked over and he was, he was reading the exact same book that I was reading at home. So talk about serendipity moments.

Yeah. I looked over and I go, oh wow. And you know, I had this interest and then I, when I actually looked at the title, um, it's called The World's Religions. I go, wow, there, that's no way I'm reading that exact same book at home. He's like, yeah, it's a wonderful book. Have you got to this chapter? And we start talking [00:26:00] about it.

And then I said, you know, I really like poetry too, and different lyrics of songs and you know, it's how I make it through my day. Music is important to me. Just listening to music helps me. And he was like, oh, let's share some poetry. And so he would come in the pool deck and he would share his music and his lyrics with me.

rex: Garner and Megan have become fast friends. On one of the days after Megan finishes teaching Jada, her swim lesson, garner shares an observation with her.

meghan: So Garner came up, he said, Megan, it's like, you live here. And he was joking 'cause you're there all the time. Yeah. 'cause I'm there all the time. And of course I'm like that it's a joke.

And I would've normally laughed at something like that. But you know, then it really struck me that. I, I am living here. You know, my stuff's in my car. I'm showering here. I'm taking as many shifts as the YMCA will allow me. Yeah. You know, I do live here. I'm basically living in my car and I, and, well, I am living in my car and I shower here and I started crying on the pool deck.

My, I just, my tears are going again. And just

rex: that question from him just

meghan: triggered me. And, you know, you don't [00:27:00] wanna cry on the job. Yeah. You know, I'm, I'm, I'm working. Uh, at the YMCA, they, uh, encourage you to talk to members and things like that. So we have moments where we're allowed to talk to members for five or 10 minutes and, and engage.

And, and that's part of the job too, you know? Yeah. To connect with members and stuff. So, you know, we're having this, uh, conversation on the pool deck and I just start crying. He saw something that obviously was going on and he's like, why don't you have a coffee with me tomorrow? Yeah. Why? Let's meet for coffee.

And I said, okay. So I go and I have coffee with him. And, um, we have a conversation. He says, just tell me about your life. So similar to what I've just been telling you. This whole drawn out story, all the things. And he goes, wow, okay, well I want you to come to my house next week. And he tells me to come to his house.

And, um, just to give you perspective, garner, um, is at this time, at least in his eighties, he had been a soldier his whole life. And he had done, you know, his whole life background is amazing what he's accomplished. [00:28:00] Uh, he's been through a lot. He was, um, in the segregated units, um, in the Army. Mm-hmm. So he lived through, uh, 'cause he is black.

Yeah. 'cause he is black and, um, he's, uh, lived through a lot of, uh, different racial things that he had to see and inequalities throughout his life. Um, but still through all of that, he still stayed really humble. And kind to everyone, you know, even though people were always, you know, mean to him and discriminated against him, he always took the higher road and said, that's okay.

That's okay. And that just was his attitude on, you know, if someone's mean to you don't have to be mean back. Mm-hmm. So that's just how he was.

rex: Well, imagine a world that used that recipe. Yeah.

meghan: Yeah. So that's how, that's how Garner was. I end up going to his house and I'm not sure what I'm expecting. I have my clothes and all my pile of laundry in the back of my, you know, my, my whole car is being weighed down by all my stuff and I show up, um, in his house at Lakewood and his [00:29:00] granddaughter was probably like seven or eight at the time.

So she's really excited to see me and she's so excited 'cause she's like my swim instructor's here. Why is my swim instructor here? You know, she's so excited. Uh, the family had a welcome home banner and it said, welcome home Megan. I was in tears. Garner. What do you mean? And he's like, you're home. You're home, Megan.

And I was like, there's no way. And he was like, yeah. And he was like, come inside and there. And, um, Jada's bouncing up and down. Wait, Megan, I can't wait till you stay with us. You're, you're gonna have so much fun. We're gonna play all the time. So she's so happy. They, they show me the house, they show me the kitchen and the living room, and then they say, let's go down the hall.

And they're just showing, you know, as you do, you show someone in the house and he walks down, um, the corridor of the house and we, we turn right into the bedroom and on the door it says Megan's room. They even went to the point to that detail of all detail to put Megan's room [00:30:00] on the, on the door, that level of kindness.

It said Megan's room. And I'm just, and I'm in, someone is caring about me at this level, like stepping up as like a stability As a parent or somebody, I never had this, you really, you know, I had my grandma, but what could she have done really much, you know? Yeah. Her hands were tied in many ways, but this person is giving this love and kindness.

And, and then I opened the door and there's balloons on the bed. There's balloons and a box of chocolates, a heart box of chocolates, you know, and, and they're like just so excited. You must

rex: have been so emotionally overwhelmed by this moment.

meghan: Yeah, I was so emotionally overwhelmed. I was crying, I was happy, I was confused.

I didn't know how to take, 'cause I also didn't know how to take this kind of love. I was. I kept saying, no, no, no, no, this is too much. You know, I'm the giver. I'm the one that always gives, 'cause that's me. I'm the one that always gives to my community. I'm the, I'm the giver. I don't know how to take [00:31:00] either, you know, I don't to receive, to receive this love.

I don't know. What does this mean?

We go to the kitchen and we have some tea and garner's like, you know what? You know what this means? Do you know any of this means that you just saw? And I said, he's like, I want you to stay here. And I want you to stay here and you can stay here until you get back on your feet. I, and that's your room.

That's gonna be your room. And go through school and we'll decide when the time's right when you wanna leave. But you're here for as long as it takes. You're here. And I was like, really? And he's like, yeah, you're gonna move all that stuff outta your car and we're gonna move you in. And you're gonna live here.

And I said, well, garner that. There's no way can I, and then, you know, here, here's me trying to figure out rationalizing the kindness. You know, I don't know how to receive this kindness. So I'm thinking in my head, how much money can I give you? You know, my mind's already going to, how much money can I, transactional?

Yeah. How much money can I give you? And he's like, stop. You're not giving me any money. But I still had to, so I, [00:32:00] so every month, you know, I would give him whatever I could. $50, $80. And I would give this to him every month. Um, just because I felt the right thing to do. You know, if I'm using heating or any kind of food, you know, it's the right thing to do to, you know, contribute.

Yeah. And so while I was there, um, you know, I'm living with this black family, you know, I'm this white girl living with a black family. Um, and just to experience that and, um, hear the stories in his life.

rex: What did life look like for you living with them? Did you, did you go grocery shopping with them? Did you go to church with them?

Did you what? Like,

meghan: what was, um, so always he, he didn't go to like an organized church. He always said, church is where I'm at. So that was what he said. Church is right. Church with him. Church is right where I am. He'd always say just, this is church. And he would light up his pipe. So he, he always smoked. He said, never hire a pipe smoker.

'cause you'll never get anything done. And he, and he spoke [00:33:00] like Morgan Freeman, so he had the Morgan Freeman kind of projected of the voice, and when he spoke it always was meaningful. So anything that came out of his mouth was so profoundly beautiful and, and had meaning to it. And so he would light his pipe and he was just slowing the way he talked, which nowadays we're always in such a rush to say things.

It would take him hours. But when you listened and he just slowed down, you got really amazing messages that he was trying to get across. Yeah. Every day had meaning, you know, no matter what it was, whether it was cleaning, going out, um, how to clean it. He, like, I tried to explain this. It was kind of like a, my Mr.

Miyagi from Karate Kid. Something was, no matter if we're cleaning or mopping the floor or if it was going out and helping with the garden, I always was learning something how to do it right and how to care for something. Right. You know, if I was clipping a bush, he's like, all right, nope. This is how you do it.

You clip right here to like, make sure the plant is healthy. So it was, [00:34:00] everything was strategically cared for. Mm-hmm. And how we did things. Yeah. He had, um, uh, sons and daughters that were actually a amazing, like one was a famous saxophone. Um, he was in the Nutty Professor actually. Really? The very end of the movie.

Yeah. He played the saxophone in the end of the movie. Yeah.

rex: That's amazing. Yeah. So

meghan: they were all very versed in music. Um, so the reason why he was, um, looking after his granddaughter, Jada, is because his daughter was just working and, um, I see he just loved, he wanted to be involved in her life. Was

rex: she.

Was, was the granddaughter though living at the house with you? No. No would, okay, so she just happened to be there? Yeah, she just happened to be there. Okay, gotcha. So he would drop her

meghan: back off? Yeah. Gotcha. And she would come over a lot. Gotcha.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

But his, uh, youngest son, Gary, lived there. Okay.

So he lived in one of the rooms. Yeah. And he was amazing too. Yeah. So I lived with Garner and Gary

rex: and Garner's wife.

meghan: Oh, Garner's wife had passed away, so a few years prior to me moving in, she had passed. Yeah. I'm not sure [00:35:00] exactly what it was from, but I, yeah. Yeah. She had passed and he loved his wife so dearly as well, so, yeah.

Um, and that they actually dedicated, um, their house is, um, this pink house and there was a placard on the, on the, um, when you're coming up to the house and it's all dedicated to her. It's called the homestead. So he named his house the homestead. Mm-hmm. And there's a whole meaning behind it. Yeah. It was supposed to be a home for his family to always come home to.

So no matter if any of his family members are struggling or having a hard time, yeah, they can always come home.

rex: There's always a room for him

meghan: there. He wanted to establish, there's always home, there's always a home base and, and he welcomed me into his homestead, you know?

rex: That's unbelievably beautiful.

Yeah.

meghan: He let me come to the homestead and then he always said, you're welcome home. This is. You are always welcome back home. No matter what's going on, you can always come home.

Yeah. And

so that ended up being my home and we celebrated, um, [00:36:00] Thanksgivings and Christmases. Yeah. So just what Garner did for me and the kindness of just saying, you know, welcomed me into his home was just profound.

rex: Garner single handedly reached into Megan's life, pulled her out of the chaos. Gave her breathing room,

meghan: that stability that I had for the couple years. I was able to breathe. I was able to stay in school. Yeah, I was able to get through this um, fresh Start program, which then launched me to graduate with my high school diploma.

And then I also earned credits towards my associate's degree and without that cushion that Garner provided for me. Yeah. I don't know what would've happened. I don't know if I would, not that I wouldn't wanna have gone to college, but I don't think I would've been able to financially.

rex: Yeah. I would've

meghan: been stuck.

I don't know what would've happened to me. Yeah.

rex: And not only the financial end of it, emotional and the ability to have a roof over your head, which is, which is everything, right? [00:37:00] Like safety and warmth and

meghan: mm-hmm.

rex: Place for your stuff and all that. But also to feel loved.

meghan: Yeah. Right.

rex: Like that. Just doesn't get, I think enough value is really given to that, like the importance of starting every day knowing that there's these other humans that care about you and

meghan: you can go home too, and it's safe and there might be a hot meal for you at home, you know, if you want it and.

And just to sit on a couch in a warm house and yeah. And, and I had, and I don't know if I would've gotten that anywhere else, or, you know, I guess I could have gone home to the, I call it the crazy house, you know, back up with chaos. But I couldn't be there. The crazy, the crazy stead. It's almost like I would rather have been in the car, the.

My car was better than that at that point in time. Yeah. Yeah. At the very end I said, I'm ready to move on. And I was, I had a full-time job and I was, I couldn't let go of the YI still love this place, so I worked there on the weekends. I had my full-time job working on the weekends and still going to school as I do, you know, doing all of the things.

And, um, I was, I thought I need to get my own place so I [00:38:00] got my own place and you know, it's time to leave this nest of garners. Yeah, no. At some point I got to, you know, and so I told him I was ready and I think he was a little sad to see me go, but he knew that I couldn't stay forever. Yeah.

rex: You had to, you had to spread your wings.

Yeah.

meghan: And have my own space. And so he said, okay, um, come back to my office. So I went to his office and, um. He sits me down and here you go. And he hands me an envelope and I open up the envelope and there's a little card in there and it has every time I had given him $50 a month, $80 a month, $72 a month, he would write the amount down the date I gave it to him, and then he would put plus $10.

Plus $5. Little, little bits that he would add into it. So he was adding to whatever I gave him and it went on and on and on. You know, you could think a couple years of this because you've been there for a couple years. Yeah. And all the money's in that envelope. All of the money and, and I, and he's like, yep, this is yours to do.

Wish whatever you wish [00:39:00] for, I saved it all for you. And I said, no way. Again, I'm saying the whole, you know, back to my, I can't take this. There's no way. I, I, I, I throw the envelope back at him. He's throwing it at me. I'm, at this point, it's becoming a funny joke. Like I'm throwing he, and I'm like, I'm not taking it.

And he's like, you must take it. And I go, okay, fine. And finally I decided I'd take it. It's

rex: so beautiful.

meghan: Yeah. So it just, just that thoughtfulness. The thoughtfulness of what he did. Yeah. And what he never told me is that he was dying from cancer the entire time. I didn't know till the very end. And I don't know if that's just me being naive and young and not reading into it.

Um,

rex: but he, he never came to you and said, listen, he never

meghan: said, listen, I have cancer. Yeah. I didn't know till the very end. So he finally opened up near the very, very end and said, all these years. I decided not to have treatment for the chemo. 'cause at that age, um, they said, well, you're just gonna slowly die.

Um, it's slow, progressive cancer for you. And he [00:40:00] decided, you know, I, I always wanna live this out naturally. Yeah. Um, and that was his choice, whether you, no medical advice here or anything, but you know, to do as you wish. Yeah. But, um, that's what he decided to do. And um, so he is

rex: passed.

meghan: Yeah. In 2020. He passed.

Yeah. So, but you know, just hearing that towards the end and I, it's like he was kind enough to let me into his house while he was sick.

rex: Yeah.

meghan: You know, pass, he knew he was gonna pass and I didn't know this entire time.

rex: Yeah. And kind enough also not to burden you with it. 'cause he knew you were carrying your, your own brain.

Yes,

meghan: exactly. That he didn't wanna be, you know, he was kind enough to say, Hey, I'm dying and I, I'm not even gonna tell you that I'm dying because I care so much about you, you know. It was just I and yeah, what amazing person to have done that for me. You know, the kindness, the love, everything. It was just.

Truly and the family, they welcome me in. And then even on, on Christmas, they made me like a stalking. And [00:41:00] it still sits there to the say and it says Megan on it.

rex: So is his son still living there?

meghan: Son is still living there, yeah. And

rex: do you go visit? Yeah. Yeah, I go visit there.

meghan: And, and the stalking is still up?

Yeah. And, and, and then, then I recently went back like a few months ago, um, and I just randomly popped in and, and Jada. Is now living in that cute space. Oh, no way. Yeah. So Jada's, you know, this young adult, the homestead.

Yeah. And she's,

she's such a good golfer. Um, she's into golf and stuff. She's amazing.

But I went back to the homestead and she's living there at the homestead. And um, I go up to it and Megan's room is still on there. And I said, will you still have Megan's room up there? She's like, we're never taking it down. You're never, even though it's my room. This is your room first.

rex: Megan graduated from high school and went on to college.

She holds a master's of education from Eastern Washington University and a Bachelor of Arts from the University of Washington. Currently, she's pursuing a master of [00:42:00] science in philosophy from the University of Edinburgh with a focus on epistemology mind and ethics. Megan is interested in the ethics of artificial intelligence.

Before we concluded our talk, Megan asked if she could read one of Garner's poems. Here she is with the Hurdler, my Own Life project.

meghan: Garner had read this to my class in a sociology class, and he gave me the confidence, stability to be able to continue my education, to fulfill my dreams. So, um, we are in a race and ethnicity class at TCC and he was able to read this and he had wrote in this, um.

In the seventies. Okay. It's called the Hurdler, my Own Life Project. As I look back over my past 45 years, I see many pleasant memories. My boyhood life in Texas was fun, real fun, and although I've worked since 12 years old, [00:43:00] bringing money home somehow with all the social injustices of my time, I have no regrets.

I really can't seem to remember the bad things. I was a rascal. Learning came rather easily and I always found fun with myself. I dropped out of junior college and joined the Army at 18 years old, little realizing that I'd stay in for 24 years as a soldier. Those 24 years traveling all over the world gave me a kind of awareness, a sensitivity for human passion, and I love for the simpler things in life.

Now retired and with five kids and my wife after going through the transition of retirement three years ago, first working as a bank management analyst and later as a metal scrap yard burner and yard foreman, I find myself where I wanted to work in public service with the US Army Civil Services.

Although my military field was engineer, I find myself working now in the [00:44:00] food business in the Army commissary. I guess I've slowed down considerably in many respects. My whole life can be best described as jumping hurdles. I've been jumping my whole life. When I was a kid, I learned to jump rather large hurdles all black kids had to.

Pretty soon we found fun in it. That helped immensely in those times for when I became a man. I found such an outlook and gave me a positive attitude about life. Consequently, I have no hangups about who I am, where I wanna go, and why I wanna get there. To me, I'm Garner Thomas, and that is who I want to be.

I want to simply be a good man, learn as much as I can, and achieve my modest goals. Now, that is the way has generally been prior to this class. In ethics, I must hasten to clarify that I establish my own ladders. As a frame of reference for de developing and achieving. For example, [00:45:00] I said I wanted to be a good man.

Well, first I consider myself a man, then a black man, not out of, not out of a mil militancy, but out of basic reality. And next, a black American man. So that is the way I look at Garner Thomas. I then attached a desired quality statement. Garner Thomas as a black American man will be good. I place that as my highest values and all others fall below.

Being good to me means a conscious effort to have both significant meaning to myself and to all others who I come in contact with. It implies trying to develop into all that I can possibly develop into, while at the same time not stepping on others. For my own personal gain. I do try to live with that philosophy.

It means I try to love or find love in all people, all things and all places. It is the kind of love that [00:46:00] mixes joy, pleasure, interest and concern. Being good also means trying to know myself. Oh, I talk with myself, really enjoy myself, and I fuss with myself. I'm awfully absent-minded and forgetful for some reason.

I'm always thinking, and my mind is always churning. I'm always trying to figure things out. I have this great thirst for knowledge and understanding about simply being about nature and its wonders and about the nature of people. I do not need this course and ethics, but I have a craving for wisdom, for a broader appreciation and a deeper understanding of philosophy.

For me, searching for this knowledge and, and understanding is good. Jumping the hurdles of knowledge and understanding is perhaps my most deliberate race and being for as a black man, this has been a practical necessity for achieving my class in ethics has been [00:47:00] another race towards jumping the hurdles in the form of, in the form of race, from ignorance towards understanding.

In striving to be good, I try to live by no strict rules, axioms or like I feel. I must simply try to be natural and to be natural is good. If I'm not natural, then aren't I not truly myself? I find it a beautiful thing to be natural, to act natural and to say natural things to me. To be natural is being real, being true and is beau beautiful.

Consequently, being natural gives me a taste of reality, truth, and beauty, all of which are good. I think that is also right to be natural and that is wrong to be and act unnatural. I think that I am doing justice to myself to be natural and that I'd be doing myself an injustice to be unnatural. My idea of being natural is simply to be myself and don't be, or try to act like anybody else.

It means accepting myself for all that I am worth, whether that be [00:48:00] assets. Or liabilities and from this position seek to be better, to be best to grow, and to develop into a stronger self. Indeed, by the very nature of De of me striving to develop into myself, I find myself going through a transmutation and to a new being, but still containing that core of Garner Thomas.

That is what I mean. I mean that I have changed, but the core of myself retains its basic nature. The reason I feel I can develop into myself is based on the belief that I can be whatever I hope to be. Now, this is where I have my goals that I mentioned. This is where I plan. This is where I expend my energy, where I apply my faith, which I believe in.

It is to these life hurdles that I simply say to myself, garner cross one road at a time. Cross one bridge at a time. Cross one mountain at a time, and someday. Somehow [00:49:00] you'll make it. So walk on, brother. Walk on. Don't look back except for a mere fleeting glance for someone will surely gain on you. Walk on, run on, and keep the faith.

It is a hard race. Full of stumbling blocks, snarls pitfalls, treachery. But walk on garner and believe in yourself. Don't stop for rest. Too often for time, old man, time is always against you. It appears. When you get to the top of the mountain, go on to the next and use the old experience and take in the council of the old time racers.

Use all of your senses to find your way toward your goals. It's a crowded race, a marathon race of millions of people trying to reach similar goals. Take the trail sometimes. Take the swamp Sometimes. The race in life has many hurdles. Strive for the highest value hurdles and don't take the easy ones. And beware of secret shortcuts for [00:50:00] they can e your value and your sense of value of good.

You'll need strength, all kinds of strength. So take good care of your body first. This gives you the physical ability to act, take care of your mind. Feed it, water it, and cultivate it and use it. It will give you an even greater strength, a greater capability to attain the goal. Take care of your heart and always love.

Never hate. There is no value in hate. Love is what you need. Plenty of. Give it and you'll get it. Love yourself first. Love mankind. Love all a mankind. Love women. Love music. Love art, love literature. Love history, love architecture, love nature, love wisdom, love, love. Love gives you a kind of strength to your heart to make it do wonders and let it perform miracles.

Now, garner, take care of your soul. You must never forget your soul. It is the core of your [00:51:00] being. Don't ever. Lose your soul. Give your heart, your mind and body. Yes, but never. Your soul. Your soul belongs to you. Don't ever sell your soul. It is your spirit. The soul gives you faith when all else falls, all else fails.

You can walk on, walk on with your faith alone when all else runs out. When your friends doubt you, your faith will see you through. You may not know God, but do believe in God. Love God, trust God. No matter what you call him or how you conceive him, oh, I suspect it may be a myth, but, oh, what a wonderful myth.

You'll never be alone with your faith. You'll always have someone close to talk to yourself and your God. You've got free will. You've got the ability to reason, the capacity to love, to have faith, to do, act, and feel. Do everything you can possibly do during this race. Jump all hurdles using all your mind, body, heart, and soul.[00:52:00]

And now, someday the race will be all over. You'll be a tired old man. You'll have tasted the fruits of life. You have done things. Some judged good and some judged bad, some right and some wrong. But you'll have done things. You'll have chased women, drank liquor. Bought houses, worn fancy clothes, received degrees, and perhaps reached high positions, and also been involved in some immoral acts that you knew were wrong.

All of these things you'll have done, you have not been the perfect man neither in the eyes of your wife, society, your boss, or yourself. And since you believe in God nor on the side of God. But old man, you have fought a good fight. You have run a good race, and you have tried, you have at least tried to simply be a good and decent man.

You have. You will have [00:53:00] realized at age 45 that the main things to go out, go after in the race of life are not the material things of life, but rather the intangibles, the love, the knowing, the wisdom, the understanding, and the search for the good. Love is good. Knowing is good. Life is good. All has a potential for good.

I must now take a course of the good from my professor so that I won't have so many black marks against me when the race is up. My lifestyle is one of good. The search for good. Good is a way I'd like to be remembered. Not great, not famous, not rich. Mm-hmm. Nor powerful, but simply a good man. Garner Thomas, June, 1974.

rex: It turns out in the face of an overwhelming issue like homelessness, one person can make a difference. Garner Thomas made a profound and beautiful change in the [00:54:00] life of Meghan Taylor. Smart. When we take the time to get off our own path to help someone struggling with heirs, we set into motion all the goodness that comes from being in relationship with each other.

We wanna give a heartfelt thank you to Megan for so beautifully sharing about her own personal journey and the kindness shown to her by Garner Thomas. You know me now is a project under the nonprofit Facing Homelessness. It is produced, written and edited by Temas Bruski and me Rex Holbein. Please join the 50,000 plus followers on our very active Facing Homelessness Facebook page where you can join in on the conversation.

Thank you for listening to this episode of You Know Me [00:55:00] Now.